Part-Time Pundit: Satire Archives

June 6, 2006

Yet Another Great Idea - Are we all Democrats now?

I got an idea on how to deal with Iran!

Let's give them the same deal that North Korea broke when we gave it to them. We're only America, of course we should grovel to third-world crackpots!

It's not like they've ever invaded an embassy or anything.

Posted by John Bambenek at 9:47 AM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

January 24, 2006

"End of the World Comes: Minorities and Women Hardest Hit"

It's really hard to take things like this seriously. Only minorities can expect things like Hurricane Katrina to happen again? What happened to the white people that died in disproportionately high numbers in New Orleans?

Posted by John Bambenek at 4:53 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

September 14, 2005

Fiscal Conservativism: 1994-2005 R.I.P.

Today Tom Delay announced that Fiscal Conservativism and Limited Government has died.

In proclaiming a new era of government waste at the hands of legislators, Tom DeLay, a key figure in the Republican Revolution in 1994, has made clear that corruption will trump principle in the GOP.

Posted by John Bambenek at 12:02 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

September 5, 2005

Hurricane Katrina: Louisiana Demoted to Federal Territory (satire)

Today during a special session of Congress legislation was passed and immediately signed by President Bush that demotes the former State of Louisiana to federal territory status. During the response to Hurricane Katrina, the local government left almost 500 buses unused, waited an additional 24 hours to order evacuation while President Bush begged them to get the people out, and over 2/3rds of the New Orleans Police Department abandoned their jobs and left the city in chaos.

"It is clear that the government of Louisiana and the city of New Orleans have completely failed their populations. In response to this complete collapse of government I have been forced to take decisive action to rectify the situation.", said President Bush is a Rose Garden ceremony. Other officials expressed similar sentiments. Former Sen. Mary Landrieu was ushered out of the Capitol building after the vote as the area is no longer entitled to Senate representation. An unconfirmed report states that she had to be removed for threatening to punch her colleagues while she should have been working instead.

Department of Homeland Security Michael Chertoff stated that "it was clear from the response that Louisiana just can't handle their own business so it became necessary to take over for them." New Orleans has a long history of political corruption and as the hurricane stated to bear down on the city, Mayor Nagin was quoted as saying, "You want me to do something? I'm only the mayor; I'm just here to line my pockets!"

Federal agencies and offices were ordered to remove the current American flag and replace it with a flag that contained only 49 stars to signify the demotion of the Louisiana territory.

Posted by John Bambenek at 12:55 PM | Comments (3) | TrackBack

Bambenek's First Law

With the constant retort on those, usually from the Left, about “questioning my patriotism” and the use of the term “chickenhawk” (especially amusing when directed at a soldier) I believe it is time to elucidate the Internet on Bambenek’s First Law.

It states:

If during a political argument, one side interjects that they won’t have you questioning their patriotism when no such line of conversation takes place then they are, ipso facto, unpatriotic. If an individual has to spout resume bullet points to “prove” they are patriotic they are, ipso facto, unpatriotic. If an individual tries to prove their patriotism by attacking the character of their opponent with terms like “chickenhawk”, then they are, ipso facto, unpatriotic.

Now, when you are arguing with a leftie who apparently has no intelligent point except to attack you with epithets like “chickenhawk” and say that questioning their patriotism is out-of-line when you are doing on such thing, now you can invoke Bambenek’s First Law.

Posted by John Bambenek at 9:28 AM | Comments (2) | TrackBack

June 24, 2005

An honest question...

Can someone tell me why it is so freaking hard to find an honest mechanic? Or why car manufactures make the Check Engine light go one because the stupid external themometer that tells you the outside temperature is broken leading to you dropping $200 bucks because you have to fix it or when there is a serious problem causing the check engine light to come on, you'll miss it?

How about two lights. One, "Something stupid is broken that you probably don't give a crap about" and "Something is seriously wrong, take the care in so a mechanic can juice you for every penny you have and give you the car back in worse condition then when you brought it in."

I got 140,000 miles on my truck, runs great, but has stupid shit wrong with it that takes multiple trips to the mechanic just to get them to confirm that what I told them was wrong, is in fact wrong.

How many more trips and how much more money does it take to get them to actually FIX something?

Posted by John Bambenek at 9:37 PM | Comments (1) | TrackBack